I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize