How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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