i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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