the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
