wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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