My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
