what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
