better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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