: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
