That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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