I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
