I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize