Do vagina's smell?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
