The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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