Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
