I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
