...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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