i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
