If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
