I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
be right there i have to get my cape
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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