Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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