people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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