i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
