so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize