did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
