Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
my poor anus
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
