i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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