soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm at about main and main street
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
