what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
