yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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