You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
