Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
