I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
