I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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