Did you just see the Batmobile???
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
