Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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