Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
