I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
