Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
