You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
