I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
