did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
