she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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