Do you still have your period?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
