I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize