look no pants
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
