I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
