Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
