New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
