We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize