You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
