If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
