I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
