we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
