What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
