You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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