I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Who put my cat in the fridge?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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