no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
