all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
