I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize