i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
