did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
