Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
