Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
