Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
