could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
