Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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