You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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