Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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